Just for laughs; do not attempt at home! Forwarded to me via email. Pretty funny.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup
of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The
blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn’t move and should , use the WD-40. If
it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to
know them.
So I was at the Miller’s gas station on Nuckols Road today pumping gas. It was cold as all, and me being the procrastinator that I am, had no coat to wear whatsoever because I was washing every single one at once. So not only am I standing out in the freezing cold, but then the gas pump decides it would like to strike up a chat. The first thing that loud, annoying box thing blares through the speaker tries to lure me in for a snack. “In a rush? Come on in and pick up a ready-made sandwich for the road!” No thanks, I just ate. The thing just keeps on belting out reasons that I should venture even farther from my warm car and enjoy a less-than-decent snack or beverage. It’s bad enough that the on-screen prompts ask if you want a receipt, a car wash, or want to pay in or outside (okay seriously, if I’ve already swiped my card, isn’t there, oh I don’t know, pretty much a more than 100% chance I’m paying outside?). But this thing just kept on telling me what I needed to buy. The short version: “You want a sandwich?” NO! “Some chips?” NO! “A slushy?” NO! It’d be frozen solid by the time I got it back to the car anyway. “Coffee?” I don’t like coffee. Plus, I just gave away half my life savings to the big oil companies anyway by filling my gas-sucking Xterra (I really need to sell it) all the way to the top; you think I have any more money left over to donate to your dinky mini-mart snack department anyway?
I’ve created a lot of funny, sometimes stupid or ridiculous, Photoshop creations over the past few years, and hope to post one every week or two for your enjoyment. I’m calling them Irrational Illustrations. The first one is rather recent. I always drove past the pictured billboard on Interstate 95 on my way to VCU, so I went out and snapped a picture of it, added a touch of humor and a hint of sarcasm (Wow I’m never, ever, ever sarcastic on here at all!) </sarcasm>, and voila! You have yourself a case of false advertising! Get the facts straight, AT&T, geeze!
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