Tag

humorous

Yet Another Stupid Rent-A-Cop Incident

By funny, life, rants, sarcasm

Anyone that knows me fairly well knows I like driving out to the country. If gas was cheaper, I’d cruise around aimlessly every day. There’s such a sense of freedom that comes with traversing the open road late at night, away from the light pollution of the suburbs.

One of my favorite places to go is Beaumont On The James, a roadside pulloff slash park and boat landing, off Route 522 in Powhatan County, on the James River. It’s beautiful out there, and a wonderful place for stargazing. It’s pitch black at night and completely quiet and peaceful, save for a few other souls who venture out therefor the same reasons on occasion. With the price of gas and my 17 MPG Xterra, however, this fifty-mile (there and back total) trek is no longer a frequent option.

That being said, I decided to only venture out a little ways last night. Rochelle and I were driving around, talking about this and that and working on some script ideas for upcoming RCC dramas. We were headed through the West Creek office park complex in eastern Goochland at the time. Deciding my tank of gas would dry up long before our conversation did, I figured I should put it in park eventually or I’d just drive around all night. So, we pulled into one of the parking lots for just a few minutes.

Not even five minutes into our stay, an SUV pulls up to my car. It was very obvious that it wasn’t a police car. Nope, it was a rent-a-cop, I’m guessing from the office park. I just laughed when he pulled up, because apparently I’m a rent-a-cop magnet (most of you will recall my VCU Police incident slash misunderstanding a few months back, plus other incidents).

So after I had a good chuckle, I put my window down and very politely said hello and that we weren’t doing anything wrong and would head on our way. In the SUV was a grumpy old man who spoke with a strain in his voice that was a result of his failed efforts to sound stern and threatening. He swiftly barked at me, “You are tresspassing! Leave immediately or I’ll report your license to the police!” All cops, real ones or fake (as was in this case) seem to have a coherent attitude towards people of my age group. No matter how cooperative or respectful you are of them, they still all seem to go on the defense right off the bat. I guess it’s understandable considering how some people my age would probably get into some sort of mischief out there, but come on, I wasn’t doing anything wrong and wouldn’t have even gone in there if I saw any sort of “no trespassing” signs. I didn’t see any posted.

So as I was backing out, the guy annoyingly used the only “weapon” he had on him: his flashlight. He waved it around in a circular motion and tried to blind me as I went in reverse. What the crap. He seemed like he was way more afraid of me for some reason, despite how nice I was to him, than I was of him (which was not at all).

So there you have it, another day, another “rent-a-force” (or farce) story. It’s funny how the people who actually do wrong in these places get away with it and people like me who do nothing get all the heat. Oh well, at least it gives me a good laugh every time.

Oh, and in other news, this morning as I was pulling out of my neighborhood, a Henrico County policeman (yeah, a real police officer story for once) had pulled over a golf course maintenance truck on the cart path! How great is that? Granted, he may have done something on the road and just caught up to the guy once he hit the golf course, but still, that’s priceless.

God Help Us All, Dollar Tree Now Sells Meat

By business, food, funny, sarcasm

You’ve got to be kidding me. I like Dollar Tree for some things, but this is ridiculous. This is an actual newspaper ad I scanned in from the Richmond Times-Dispatch. Dollar Tree is now offering hot dogs and even, get this, steaks! How much? A dollar, of course. Just like everything else. Does this not scare and worry anyone else? I was already weary of buying meat at Food Lion, but this makes them look pretty good. Also, notice the top right hand corner. Dollar Tree is apparently “graduation party headquarters?” Well of course! Wow, this is like one of those headlines people send in to Jay Leno.

Textbook Ripoff: Part Deux

By rants, sarcasm

It’s the end of the semester, and you know what that means: It’s time to get screwed over by the VCU Bookstore! So I spent $400 on textbooks back in January. Today I went down to VCU and got a whopping $13.50 back in resale value. Half of my books wouldn’t be taken back because they’re proprietary, custom VCU books that have no value once used because they change every year. I have a big problem with that. That’s just ridiculous. I spent more money than that on cheese pies yesterday at the Lebanese Food Festival. I probably spent more than that getting my Xterra down there to the VCU Bookstore and back. Textbooks are a royal ripoff. Students such as myself are getting nothing short of scammed. It’s infuriating.

Food Fight: The History Of War Through Food

By funny, videos

This is both creative and really funny. The video shows the history of United States-centric warfare from World War II to the present day, through food. The food represents certain countries (what foods they’re known for). I can’t explain it any further. It’s very clever. Give it a watch!

 


 

Chocolate Rain

By videos

The song’s called Chocolate Rain. It’s by this guy named Tay Zonday. He sounds like James Earl Jones. I really don’t have words. There’s some strange stuff on the interweb, but props for creativity, Tay. Check it out below.

 


 

Prom Night – Review

By movie reviews

On Saturday night, I checked out the movie Prom Night. Let me just cut to the chase here. It was bloody awful. And no, I’m not turning British. I say that because it was both bloody (albeit fake) and awful. Brittany Snow stars as Donna, a contender for Prom Queen. We learn in the beginning of the film that one of her high school teachers became obsessed with her. He was fired after acting inappropriately and subsequently subject to a restraining order from her family. As a result, he killed her entire family as Donna watched in horror.

Flashing back to the present, her and her boyfriend Bobby (played by Scott Porter) descend on their prom at a historic local hotel, just as her aunt and uncle, with whom she now lives, find out that the killer has escaped from prison and is on the loose. As predictability would have it, he shows up at the hotel and, through a series of poorly-orchestrated scenes and events, systematically kills her friends as they go back to their rooms one by one for different reasons.

The plot is boring, stagnant, extremely predictable, and just overall terrible. The supposed gory stabbing scenes reminds me of the blatantly fake and outdated shower stabbing scene in the 1960 Alfred Hitchcock classic, Psycho. I’m telling you, it couldn’t have been made much worse. Honestly, I’d go so far as to say I’d be embarrassed to have had any part in this film.

Oh, and tell me this: What’s up with having older actors play teenagers? It’s not just in this movie, but it’s so obvious in this one. Brittany Snow is 22 years old, which isn’t extremely noticable, but come on, Scott Porter is 29 and it shows! That’s just another thing to add to the list of things that were fake or not believable in this film.

I also saw editing flaws. For example, there’s a scene where the couple is talking on the side of the dance floor (Side note: What’s up with the dance floor? It looks like something out of a ridiculously-overdone bubblegum-pop music video. Completely unrealistic) and as they’re chatting, the music cuts out and you hear nothing. Then it starts again once they walk back on the floor. I thought it was some weird technique, but no, it’s not.

There’s no plot in this movie, just people dying (in as many phony ways as possible). And I was even more surprised to learn that this is a remake of the 1980 film by the same name? Apparently it starred Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen. Interesting. From reading about it, it seems like a typical ’80s slasher film, but I bet it was better than this.

I found myself (as well as my friends and the rest of the audience) laughing through many of the supposedly scary parts. It was one of the most poorly-made movies I’ve ever seen, period. I wish I could somehow give it negative stars.

Overall Rating:

Baby Mama – Review

By movie reviews, Uncategorized

I went to see Baby Mama this past Friday. Tina Fey stars as a busy woman in her late thirties who has always put her career before her personal life. She suddenly comes to the realization one day that her biological clock is ticking and, after trying every other way, decides to have a baby through a surrogate mother.

The mother (played by Amy Poehler) is desperate for money and will do anything for the cash given to her for carrying the baby. There are several big plot twists that I’m tempted to share, but like I said, I’m not doing spoiler reviews anymore!

The plot line is funny and relatively easy to follow. The character development is strong as well. Steve Martin adds comic relief as well with his role as CEO of the organic foods company Fey works for.

If you’re up for a feel-good comedy, check this one out, but don’t expect a whole lot more.

Overall Rating:

Forgetting Sarah Marshall – Review

By movie reviews

Quick Note: So I’ve decided I’m going to stop posting spoiler reviews. While I always got comments from people about how they appreciated me saving them nine dollars at the theater when the movie wasn’t all that good, I think I’m just going to stick to the synopsis and my overall take on the movies I see in the future. With that said, let’s get down to it!

I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall the other night. Honestly, it probably wouldn’t have been my top pick, but it was awesome.

Jason Segel plays an average guy who writes music for a CSI-type TV crime drama. His girlfriend of four years (played by Kristen Bell) is the star of the show. She meets a new man, a British rock star, and leaves him for the new guy. Brokenhearted, he decides to take a trip to Hawaii, where the couple just so happens to be vacationing. The plot focuses around the new people he meets on his trip and his ex’s ultimate decision to try and win him back.

The script and plot line in this movie are both incredible. The dialog is quick, punchy, and extremely witty. I laughed out loud through the whole thing. There was, however, a lot of unnecessary nudity. I’m not exactly preaching against it or anything, it’s just that there really wasn’t any need for it. It was almost as if it was thrown in without explanation. It just didn’t really fit in with the overall feel of the movie.

In summary, this was an overall excellent film. It has the perfect blend of comedy, romance, and drama that will satisfy most anyone’s tastes.

Overall Rating:

The DTV Switchover Scam: Don’t Get Taken!

By business, news, opinion, rants, sarcasm, technology

You’ve probably seen those not-so-creative TV advertisements the National Association Of Broadcasters has put out in an effort to scare inform the general public about how their TVs will no longer work after February 17, 2009. Why? The federal government has mandated that all over-the-air stations turn off their analog signals by that date. The government has auctioned off the analog spectrum to private companies. For more on this, see my post, “AT&T To Bring Free Wi-Fi To Starbucks And Beyond!” where you can learn more about the plans.

Anyway, leave it to Corporate America to capitalize on consumer confusion and take advantage of all of the many people who don’t know anything about what’s really going on with the digital switchover.

Oh, before I go any further, please notice the picture on the left. I added my own caption commentary, but the picture is for real. It’s on the joke-of-a-website DTVAnswers.com. Lets have a moment of honesty and self-reflection here. Do you or anyone you know watch TV like this? Unless they just gambled their life savings on a horse race and just won, there is no way they could be this scary-happy without hard drugs. But I digress.

These TV ads are putting many people in a frenzy. My friend’s family just replaced every TV in their house because they thought without a new TV, each with a digital box connected to it, they wouldn’t be able to watch TV anymore. They already had Comcast standard cable, but they thought they needed both new TVs and to upgrade to Comcast’s digital package (hence the digital boxes) to receive programming. Comcast’s boxes and the ones the government is offering are completely different! The cable industry is raking in the big bucks this year because of misinformed people such as this family.

My grandparents recently got a second digital box from Comcast for their second TV because of the same confusion. I know there must be countless other individuals doing the same thing and flushing money down the tubes to these companies who are using shady advertising tactics to trick consumers. Don’t get screwed over by the cable industry. Here are the cold, hard facts.

If you’re one of the diminishing number of people who uses “rabbit ears” to pick up local broadcast stations and have a TV that’s more than a couple of years old, you won’t be able to pick up the signal after February 17, 2009, without a digital set-top converter box (available free or at a discount rate from the government). If you have cable from any provider at all, such as Comcast or Verizon, you don’t have to do anything. You’re not affected in any way, shape, or form, and don’t let them convince you otherwise.

The government isn’t very clear about who’s affected either. Is this Bush’s backdoor plan to help the economy by helping manufacturers selling millions of dollars TVs and related equipment and the cable and satellite industry make record profits? Okay, probably not. But that is what’s happening in these industries. Don’t get taken!