Tag

love

Forgive And Forget

By life, spirituality

Pastor Rick gave a profoundly impacting message at church this morning. It was all about forgiving those who have wronged you in the past and appologizing to those you’ve wronged yourself. I think everyone has both of these situations in their lives with at least one person, and I’m no exception. I generally don’t hold grudges against anyone, but there are one or two people who I need to apologize to for certain things. They’re actually mutual situations so I hope that by being the bigger person and reaching out to them to apologize, they might, too. But even if not, it will still make me feel better to right the wrong.

God forgives us for our sins by coming into a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ, and He commands us to do the same to others. He proclaims that there is nothing more essential in life than loving other people, and that’s essentially the basis of Christianity. That being said, I have a bit of work to do to make things right again in my life with a few people.

The Game Of Love: My Take On Dating, Relationships, And The Game Of It All

By Uncategorized

Truth be told, I have not been in all that many relationships, just a few here and there, nothing serious and nothing lasting more than three months. Why? Lately I’m just too busy for a girlfriend, but from my last relationship (two years ago) and back, I was never committed to anything really, including having a relationship. That’s the complete opposite now, but ironically I just wouldn’t have time for a girlfriend now (assuming someone even happened to come along). I really don’t care anymore, because my time will come. Now while I couldn’t speak much from a perspective of being in a relationship, I’ve been around so many people and listened to so many countless stories about friends and their relationships, I could probably write a book on it one day.

Now I’m no expert on anything of course and I’m generally one of those people who knows a little about a lot rather than a lot about a little, but I just wanted to share some of my personal observations about how it seems guys and girls interact, and how relationships work out (or don’t). I see and hear the same things again, and again, and again, and for that reason could probably predict how long most of my friends will remain in their respective relationships. It’s no skill, it’s just picking up on the same patterns between everyone and making the connections. Nothing’s straightforward when it comes to relationships, in fact it’s all just one big game. I’m just the guy on the sidelines making informed commentary based on how the same plays were made repetitively. Here’s what I’ve observed thus far (hang on, I’ve had all of this inside me for a good while, it’s gonna be quite a ride):

  • Girls, despite how bad they talk about them in the end, love guys who treat them badly. There’s no way around this one. They gravitate towards them. Even if you’re a girl who says you like “nice guys,” you’ll probably date a couple that seem nice and end up treating you like dirt. Why? At least by observing some female friends of mine, they all seem to have one common objective with this type of guy: “See if he likes me enough to change his ways just for me.” There’s something girls love about this. I’ll never quite get it. All I know is I’ll hear repeatedly from friends who are girls about how wonderful some guy is and then a week or two later I’ll hear about what a jerk he is or how he wronged her in some way.
  • Availability, or lack thereof, is huge. Whether you’re a guy or girl, we all want what we can’t have. Isn’t it ironic how we adore the ones that ignore us, ignore the ones who adore us, love the ones that hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us? If someone’s not available or doesn’t want a relationship with you, you want them all the more. I’ve learned personally that if you’re always around, it’s just completely undesirable to a girl. I guess it’s just the thrill of the hunt or something. It all goes back to the stupid game.
  • It really is all one big game. I’ve mentioned this a couple times already, but it really is nothing more than a game. I’ve never been good at any sport outside of bowling and mini-golf, (If they ever form an Olympic Putt-Putt Team, sign me up, maybe I’ll make something of my life, but I digress) but it seems just like with any real sport, you just have to learn the rules, practice at it, and you’ll end up winning.
  • Girls think it hurts less to sugarcoat things. Guys, we’ve probably all been struck down at some point (I have plenty), and we’ve all heard the excuses (these are ones I’ve personally heard): “Oh I just don’t want a relationship right now.” (And the next week she’s in a relationship) “You’re a great guy and are so fun to be around, but I don’t see you like that.” (Because she prefers the type of scumbag guys you might pick up at the Waffle House at 3:00 AM to someone that will actually treat her well) “It’s not you, it’s me.” (Yeah usually this is a bunch of crap) Let me tell you this, I’ve heard everything in the book, and girls, it hurts a whole lot less just to be straightforward, honest, and frank to our faces rather than say all these things that may have some truth to them but are not the way you feel. Just give it to us straight so we can move on with our lives rather than be all hung up on you because we’re not sure why you think we’re such “great guys” but yet you don’t want to have anything to do with us.
  • It’s every man for himself, winner take all, and survival of the fittest. Girls like a guy who is strong both physically and in his pursuit of them. I’ve lost out plenty of times because I’ve never been that competitive and I don’t particularly like conflict, so I just back down. But sometimes you have to man up and go out and get what you want. Sometimes it’s the only way.
  • Take a number and wait in line. “Now serving #716!” Just like going to the DMV or the deli counter at Ukrop’s, you’re probably just a number to whatever girl you’re after. This used to bother me, but I’m over it now. You’ve gotta get over it. I’ve felt intimidated in the past by the “pro league” girls who’ve been playing the game for a while. You can’t let this intimidate you, because if it does, it will show and you’ve probably squashed your chances with that girl. Play the game inwardly as if you’re just another one in line to date her, but outwardly show her you’re the only one and the best choice.
  • Stop complaining and start changing. I’ve seen many people, mainly male friends, be unhappy with their dating scenarios and change themselves in order to bring about the results they want. Focus on finding patterns. If you see that things don’t work out over and over again, there’s almost always a common factor. Identify it, then work on changing that particular trait. Whether you’re too annoying, talk people’s ears off (guilty as charged), or think you could be in better shape, identify problem areas and make small changes. They will go a long, long way. I’ve tried a few of these and they really do make a big difference.

So there you have it. It’s on the table, take it or leave it. None of this is to say I know any more than anyone else, I’ve just really payed close attention to friends’ relationships and situations and honed in on the patterns therein. I will follow up to this with more posts in the future. This is just the beginning. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and were at least entertained!

Enjoying Life

By Uncategorized

This article comes from a blog I frequent called Dumb Little Man: Tips For Life. Despite the name, it’s actually a great resource. This article is all about taking the time to enjoy the little things in life, stuff we often take for granted because of our hectic schedules.

There are so many delicious, comforting, joyous moments in our life every day, but they are lost on us because we are often going too fast to savor them.Take a moment to answer the call of the good in your life by sensing it and fully enjoying these little gifts that are there if you slow down long enough to grab them. Here are a few to consider.

Quiet Morning Stillness: Ahh, the serenity of quiet early mornings. Instead of being upset about having to get up early, drink in the gift of early morning peace.

Long Hot Shower: Instead of the daily 5 minute shower, take a day or two off from showering. Unless you’re getting really dirty and sweaty everyday, we often never really get dirty enough to feel and appreciate the clean that comes from daily bathing. Next time you do shower, stand still with your head under the hot water. Notice the droplets all around you and how the light hits them. Maybe light some candles before you get in the shower. Take notice of the scents of your soaps and shampoos and immerse yourself in the luxury of it all.

Hot Morning Drink: In Japan, there are elaborate rituals for preparing, pouring, and drinking tea. What this does is elevate the tea drinking experience into something special. Why not establish your own ritual for your morning coffee or tea that involves enjoying the process of preparation, savoring the aroma, and slowly experiencing the first sips of your hot drink. Notice the warmth as it goes down the center of your body and spread out to heat you from the inside out. The slower you go, the more you notice, the greater the experience.

Alone Time: Are you troubled by waiting in line, waiting in your car in traffic, sitting in a waiting room? Turn that coin around to the other side. Recognize that what you have there is precious alone time to think and daydream. Don’t spend that time being annoyed. Use it and enjoy it!

Dessert: Who doesn’t enjoy dessert? Yet, when we eat our sweets we eat them fast and afterwards we feel guilty. We rob ourselves twice. First we lose out on the enjoyment of the experience by eating fast, and secondly by not embracing the reward. For some people in some countries where life is hard and the people are poor, a small sweet is a tremendous luxury. Next time you have a sweet, have a small bit, eat it slowly, and savor it. Imagine that it is the one luxury in your life. Allow yourself to fully enjoy it. And when you’re done, grin gleefully and be happy. Relish the memory and move forward having been justifiably rewarded.< Clean Teeth: Is brushing your teeth a chore? Or is it a luxury? Could it be a time to be thankful for your teeth? Could it be a time in which you are caring for your teeth, which is at the root of good health, and in reality caring for your whote self? Ah the feeling of clean teeth. Imagine life without being able to care for your teeth. Let that thought facilitate your appreciation of it.

What You Saw Today: What did you really see? Look for the beautiful, the miraculous, the wondrous, the spectacular. Look for it everywhere, especially in small places. What grand masterpiece is nature displaying for you today? See it. Drink it in. Perhaps you’ll be inspired to write a little poem and give it to someone you love or to someone you want to thank. Find some way to share that beauty. Remember, all it takes to capture that beauty is to pay attention.

Relief from the Elements: Close your eyes and imagine entering a warm home on a cold day after a walk in the brisk cold air. Can you feel it? Or how about during warmer months, when was the last time you truly appreciated the cool air of a fan cooling your face and body? Sometimes it is good to experience real heat or cold so we can grasp the luxury of a comfortable temperature.

Music: Have you ever listened to music without doing anything else? Probably not in a while. In my humble opinion, if there is a heaven, it must feel a lot like the joy of listening to music. Next time you listen to music try to melt into the sound. Try some classical or other music without words, and imagine what the message is. Does the message speak to you in words, pictures, feelings, or something else? And speaking of feelings, go with your feelings when you listen to the music. Let the music cleanse you completely!