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The Game Of Love: My Take On Dating, Relationships, And The Game Of It All

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Truth be told, I have not been in all that many relationships, just a few here and there, nothing serious and nothing lasting more than three months. Why? Lately I’m just too busy for a girlfriend, but from my last relationship (two years ago) and back, I was never committed to anything really, including having a relationship. That’s the complete opposite now, but ironically I just wouldn’t have time for a girlfriend now (assuming someone even happened to come along). I really don’t care anymore, because my time will come. Now while I couldn’t speak much from a perspective of being in a relationship, I’ve been around so many people and listened to so many countless stories about friends and their relationships, I could probably write a book on it one day.

Now I’m no expert on anything of course and I’m generally one of those people who knows a little about a lot rather than a lot about a little, but I just wanted to share some of my personal observations about how it seems guys and girls interact, and how relationships work out (or don’t). I see and hear the same things again, and again, and again, and for that reason could probably predict how long most of my friends will remain in their respective relationships. It’s no skill, it’s just picking up on the same patterns between everyone and making the connections. Nothing’s straightforward when it comes to relationships, in fact it’s all just one big game. I’m just the guy on the sidelines making informed commentary based on how the same plays were made repetitively. Here’s what I’ve observed thus far (hang on, I’ve had all of this inside me for a good while, it’s gonna be quite a ride):

  • Girls, despite how bad they talk about them in the end, love guys who treat them badly. There’s no way around this one. They gravitate towards them. Even if you’re a girl who says you like “nice guys,” you’ll probably date a couple that seem nice and end up treating you like dirt. Why? At least by observing some female friends of mine, they all seem to have one common objective with this type of guy: “See if he likes me enough to change his ways just for me.” There’s something girls love about this. I’ll never quite get it. All I know is I’ll hear repeatedly from friends who are girls about how wonderful some guy is and then a week or two later I’ll hear about what a jerk he is or how he wronged her in some way.
  • Availability, or lack thereof, is huge. Whether you’re a guy or girl, we all want what we can’t have. Isn’t it ironic how we adore the ones that ignore us, ignore the ones who adore us, love the ones that hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us? If someone’s not available or doesn’t want a relationship with you, you want them all the more. I’ve learned personally that if you’re always around, it’s just completely undesirable to a girl. I guess it’s just the thrill of the hunt or something. It all goes back to the stupid game.
  • It really is all one big game. I’ve mentioned this a couple times already, but it really is nothing more than a game. I’ve never been good at any sport outside of bowling and mini-golf, (If they ever form an Olympic Putt-Putt Team, sign me up, maybe I’ll make something of my life, but I digress) but it seems just like with any real sport, you just have to learn the rules, practice at it, and you’ll end up winning.
  • Girls think it hurts less to sugarcoat things. Guys, we’ve probably all been struck down at some point (I have plenty), and we’ve all heard the excuses (these are ones I’ve personally heard): “Oh I just don’t want a relationship right now.” (And the next week she’s in a relationship) “You’re a great guy and are so fun to be around, but I don’t see you like that.” (Because she prefers the type of scumbag guys you might pick up at the Waffle House at 3:00 AM to someone that will actually treat her well) “It’s not you, it’s me.” (Yeah usually this is a bunch of crap) Let me tell you this, I’ve heard everything in the book, and girls, it hurts a whole lot less just to be straightforward, honest, and frank to our faces rather than say all these things that may have some truth to them but are not the way you feel. Just give it to us straight so we can move on with our lives rather than be all hung up on you because we’re not sure why you think we’re such “great guys” but yet you don’t want to have anything to do with us.
  • It’s every man for himself, winner take all, and survival of the fittest. Girls like a guy who is strong both physically and in his pursuit of them. I’ve lost out plenty of times because I’ve never been that competitive and I don’t particularly like conflict, so I just back down. But sometimes you have to man up and go out and get what you want. Sometimes it’s the only way.
  • Take a number and wait in line. “Now serving #716!” Just like going to the DMV or the deli counter at Ukrop’s, you’re probably just a number to whatever girl you’re after. This used to bother me, but I’m over it now. You’ve gotta get over it. I’ve felt intimidated in the past by the “pro league” girls who’ve been playing the game for a while. You can’t let this intimidate you, because if it does, it will show and you’ve probably squashed your chances with that girl. Play the game inwardly as if you’re just another one in line to date her, but outwardly show her you’re the only one and the best choice.
  • Stop complaining and start changing. I’ve seen many people, mainly male friends, be unhappy with their dating scenarios and change themselves in order to bring about the results they want. Focus on finding patterns. If you see that things don’t work out over and over again, there’s almost always a common factor. Identify it, then work on changing that particular trait. Whether you’re too annoying, talk people’s ears off (guilty as charged), or think you could be in better shape, identify problem areas and make small changes. They will go a long, long way. I’ve tried a few of these and they really do make a big difference.

So there you have it. It’s on the table, take it or leave it. None of this is to say I know any more than anyone else, I’ve just really payed close attention to friends’ relationships and situations and honed in on the patterns therein. I will follow up to this with more posts in the future. This is just the beginning. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and were at least entertained!

A Grande Nonfat Chai Tea Latte For Thomas?

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Well this is a new one. I can’t count how many times people have thought my name was Travis (though I still don’t understand why that’s such a common thing that happens to me, because honestly I haven’t really met any more people named Travis than Trevor in my lifetime, but I digress). Well this morning at the Cabell Library Starbucks at VCU, I ordered my usual pick-me-up, a grande nonfat Chai Tea Latte. They ask for your name with your order at this particular location because it’s so incredibly busy, and the lady asked mine twice because I guess she couldn’t hear me. But I ended up with Thomas on my cup. I don’t know I just found that interesting. How in the world do you get Thomas from Trevor? Yet more proof that I really don’t exist, especially at VCU, like I posted about a few weeks earlier. Thought I’d snap a quick picture of it. Too funny.

Questioning My Own Existence

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I’m really starting to question my own existence. Yesterday was just my final proof that I don’t really live in this world. I guess I’m in some alternate reality or some crap like that. Okay, so I’m just being a tad bit sarcastic as usual, but it always seemed funny to me how I was left off of any and all lists that my name could be on. It’s not that no one thinks I exist, just anyone related to any educational establishment, apparently. Deep Run and VCU.

It started my Freshman year of high school. I had purchased a yearbook, but for some reason the lists at the end of the year had absolutely no indication that I had ever paid for one. The next year, when the student information sheets that everyone in the entire Henrico County Public Schools system receives to verify and update name, address, and other contact information, I didn’t get one, and they said they weren’t sure if there was a record of me in their information database. They had one somewhere and finally figured it out, but how’s that for strange?

Well, yesterday was my final indication in case I needed any more proof that I do not exist on this earth, at least according to any educational entity. I was at the Alpine Bagel Company inside the commons at VCU trying to grab a bagel before class. Not so much to ask, right? Well I guess I was wrong. The girl looked me straight in the face and took my order, I paid for it, and then she forgot she was supposed to make mine. After waiting for ten minutes while seemingly fifty more people were served who were in line behind me, she apologized and said my bagel was coming right up. Well, apparently it slipped her mind again and she served a few more people before I walked up to the counter and watched her make the freaking thing. I was like one of those dumb magic shows on prime time TV where they’re like “Watch closely as Veronica is sawed in half; this camera will not cut away…”. I barely blinked as she smeared cream cheese on my bagel until it was nestled safely in my hands.

So I wanted my typical Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks to go with it. I walked over to the Cabell Library to get my fix of my favorite drink, and, yep you guessed it, repeat situation. They forgot me once there, which I guess is a better track record than the bagel place, but wow. I’m gonna have to start lighting traffic flares from on top of my head and wave around sparklers or something to make sure people know I’m around I guess. Maybe a flashing LED “Trevor needs food just like everyone else in line” wouldn’t hurt, either. I’ll just wear it around my forehead or something.

Green Wednesday: Bottled Water

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Introductory note: Our environment is at a tipping point. In the next couple years, we have the opportunity to change the way we live our lives and stop global warming, and if not, face the irreversible consequences. Every week, I’ll have a new post on what you can do to help save our planet.

Bottled water. We’ve all drank it before. It’s convenient and refreshing, but the environmental effects are tremendous. Each day, 40 million plastic water bottles are dumped into America’s landfills, as they have a low recycling rate. They also take more energy to recycle than would be saved by recycling them in the first place. Furthermore, there’s controversy in many developing nations with major bottling companies taking the precious, small water supplies from those who need it and selling it for profit. Bottled water also costs, on average, 1,000 times more than tap water, and usually is no more beneficial or better tasting. It also has the risk of contamination.

New York City recently started a campaign promoting the city’s tap water and as of a few weeks ago had plans to open up tap water stations where citizens could fill up their own reusable bottles. There has also been talk of a total ban on the sale of bottled water. Any way you look at it, there’s just no benefit to bottled water. And if all these reasons weren’t enough, look at this one last humorous reason: I don’t know if it’s just me (I would notice things like this), but have you ever noticed that one of the major brands, Evian, spells naive backwards? Interesting, huh? Could be a message to all you bottled water consumers.

Juno – Review

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I’m on a roll here with the movies this week. I saw another one last night: Juno. It was the best movie of any type I’ve seen since Superbad. Ellen Page stars as Juno, a sixteen-year-old girl who’s gotten pregnant by her friend Paulie, played by Michael Cera (from Superbad).

The story evolves around what she decides to do with the baby. She opts for adoption and forms a bond with the family that is to keep her child. I’ll stop there because I always spoil a lot of the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, and I really think you should. There’s no deep, complex plot beyond that, though, but it’s the dry humor and sporadic hilarious lines in this dark comedy that make it so great. Michael Cera is brilliant in this film just as he was in Superbad, and his sarcastic, slightly awkward ways make for a very, very funny movie.

This was a Fox Searchlight picture (described by many as an “Indiewood” (Hollywood-style but still independent) studio), just as Napoleon Dynamite and Little Miss Sunshine were, and although these are all lower-budget films, they were all excellent. Juno was the best by far, though. I don’t usually do it, but I am planning on seeing this movie again. Definitely check this one out.

Overall rating:

Shopping = DEATH!

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So our family friend from Charlottesville, Sue, stayed with us last night and the night before after coming down for our Christmas party. As you could imagine, there’s not a whole lot of places to shop in Charlottesville. It’s not the boondocks, but there’s a lot more places in Short Pump. So naturally, Sue wanted to do some Christmas shopping while she was down here. Her and my mom were going to go, but I decided to go along too because I really hadn’t bought much of anything for the people I planned on buying for this year.

As a side note, it’s important to realize that guys don’t shop. We hunt, we gather, we buy. If we must enter the doors of a retail building, we are there on a mission and know exactly what we want. We’re not there to leisurely browse through aisle after aisle looking for “cute shoes” or a “trendy top.” Don’t get in our way because we’re making a beeline for the thing we want to purchase and then we’re getting out and going forth with our lives.

Anyway, I could almost feel my soul being sucked right out of my body after hours of this thing they call shopping. I think it’s some kind of natural reaction you hear about from caveman days where your body just shuts itself down as a preventative measure when you are exposed to such preposterous things as “buy one get one free” sales and “blue light specials.”

Where did we go? Well, here’s the complete rundown: Ben Franklin, Grapevine II for lunch, Men’s Wearhouse, CompUSA, Kohl’s, Dollar Tree, Barnes & Noble, Hallmark, H&M, American Eagle, New York & Company, Urban Outfitters, Firebird’s for dinner, Circuit City, and Starbucks.

Yes, I made the best of it and got a good amount of stuff for friends and family, and yes, it was good to see Sue and spend the day with her and my mom, but I was worn out by the end of the day. I do feel good that I actually put some time and thought into my gifts this year and didn’t opt for the typical present of gift cards that I often get.

I’m Back, Here’s What You Missed

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I know, I haven’t written since Thanksgiving. I’ve gotten at least half a dozen emails asking where I was, if I was still alive, etc. Thanks for the concern. I’ve been extremely busy with not only Christmas decorating (if you’ve ever been to my house at Christmas you know how long the outdoor light display takes me to put together), but I also painted my room and bought all new furniture at IKEA. I’m still putting some of it together, and will post pictures when it’s all finished. It basically looks like Starbucks (walls painted gold at the top, and chocolate brown at the bottom to chair rail level), combined with the European design that’s typical of IKEA furnishings. I think it’s pretty cool. School and work has kept me pretty busy, too. Basically, this is the first chance I’ve had to update.

Speaking of church, I originally intended to take off the week of Thanksgiving just to catch up on some stuff I had neglected for a while and take a breather, but once I started on my room, I realized it was a much bigger task than I originally thought, and I ended up taking this past week off, as well.

Well, I’ll have a lot more free time this week since I no longer have a job. Friday was my last day at the Attorney General’s Office. I had a lot of great experiences and learned a lot of things I otherwise wouldn’t have. There are a lot of great people that work there. Where to now, though? Hopefully the Apple Store at Short Pump Town Center. We’ll see.

I promise I’m going to start updating on a daily basis again, because I have a whole lot to write on. But for now, you should be pretty much up to date.